God Of Nothing

Life, The Universe, and Everything…

And So It Begins…

The Escape by Kev Stanton

Change; whether good or bad, it’s happening. Two years into the second decade of the 21st Century and massive change is all I’ve seen.  By the end of the first decade, I was finally coming into my own.  My dreams were coming true; my life was falling into place.  I had met and married the woman of my dreams, a beautiful vibrant woman whose beliefs, morals, and values mixed well with mine. And, did I mention, she was unbelievably beautiful? In 2007, this woman I loved so much gave me an equally beautiful daughter of whom I am completely enamored with. Being a parent has to be the most awesome thing a person can be. She is a gift.  Additionally, I was working in the field I was trained and went to college for.  If I could have lived across the street, it would have completely been a dream job.  I enjoyed it and it was fun.

Then 2010 came along.  Up until then, I had been safe from the housing bubble burst, the financial crisis, and the economy dropping through the floor but I wasn’t safe anymore.  I was informed that my position was under consideration for layoffs and by mid-2010, I was collecting state unemployment.  Figuring this was only a temporary thing, this joblessness, I began searching for another job.  I made looking for a job my job.  I worked long hours searching job sites, sending out resumes, and applying online for any and every job I could find that would fit into my skill set. My wife went back to work and I became a stay-at-home dad.  Change was having its way with us all.

Little did I know I was falling apart inside and out.  Inside, I was sinking fast and losing it. I was growing more angry and hateful of my situation and I let it show, especially to my lovely wife. I didn’t even realize until it was too late.  Outside, I had no idea what was going on but I wasn’t feeling very well at all.  So in 2010 it started, my marriage, which had always been tenuous as all relationships are, began to falter.  My joblessness was taking its toll.  My health was leaving me and I was becoming way too familiar with my doctor.  By October 2011, she was gone; I was living 50 miles from home, and still no job, I’m now on a first name basis with my doctor and in general, running out of options.

They say a man without options is capable of anything.  Usually, that means he is capable of very bad things.  It’s not in my nature to do bad things. However, being out of options does make you see things quite differently.  No options can bring about change, change deep within a person.  And while this change in me won’t save my marriage or bring me a job, it will make me a better person. I’ve always known I have been capable of anything, but have never exercised it. It’s time to do so, time to make changes for a better future.

This morning I read a post by Julianna Shapiro where she eloquently writes on the expectations of the holiday season and how to simplify them, especially for the Chronically Awesome, of which I seem to be becoming a member of lately.  By the way, she is a true inspiration, so stop by to see her. She brings me smiles daily. Taking Jules’ list of things to change for next holiday season one step further, I am applying it to life in general, a list of the people and things that are toxic to me and a list of people and things that greatly enhance my life. I’ve never really had a problem removing things and people that are toxic, but toxicity is sometimes harder to recognize when you are living in your own toxic wasteland.  Lately, however, I’ve experienced some hardship in keeping those things that enhance my life, in my life. It’s time to change that.

I’ve always believed we make our own destiny. It’s what my parents taught me and what I’ve always tried to live by.  Right now is a great time to recreate myself.  It’s actually been something I’ve been working on for a while now, even if I didn’t see it for myself. I use to be a technology guy with a writing background, now I’m a writer (of sorts) with a technology background.  I still spend hours looking for gainful employment in my field but I am also spending more time writing and enjoying it again.  I use to be a husband and father, now I am just a father.  Broken hearts will mend, but I will always be a father to my daughter and that alone is worth being better for. I use to be healthier, now I am not.  Maybe I can get that back, maybe not.  Time will tell.  Whatever the future brings, I will be the one making it happen.

Things change, we move forward. I’ve met so many wonderful people in the last year, both in the real world and the virtual world of social media, people that are living with far worse issues than mine. They inspire me by their actions to move forward, to get through the day, every day. They deal with the change and move on. Even my daughter picks herself up and keeps on going when she falls.

And so it begins…I have in essence, hit the reset button, starting over a new self, a new person, and a new life.  Within each of us is the ability to change and I’m exercising that ability to the fullest. This decade started off with great expectation and delivered something quite less than, well “shit,” but there is still eight more years left.  All things new.

Let’s write some stories…

Escape by Kev Stanton Follow his art and become a fan.

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December 31, 2011 - Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Comments

  1. Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future.~Gail Lumet Buckley

    Comment by Lyka Ricks | December 31, 2011

  2. [...] And So It Begins… [...]

    Pingback by My Life and Thoughts - You're Not The Only One | SPRICHIE.COM | December 31, 2011

  3. I’m right there with you… ready to start a new year with a new perspective. These days, every year seems to fly by so fast that it’s hard to hold on to anything. The best you can do is keep changing your grip to match, and enjoy the ride.

    Comment by JaggedWriter | January 1, 2012

  4. Hey Wolf. It’s funny that Google is smart enough to link like-minded people just based on some keyword matching. I wrote about my life and struggles, then in my related articles search found you. We are all connected in some way. We go through our ups and downs, but yes, we MUST get up. We don’t have a choice. Well actually we do, we can choose to do nothing, feel sorry for ourselves, blame others and settle for the life we have, or we can learn from our mistakes and come out even stronger. You probably didn’t read my article, but you should. Mine is a similar yet different story in some ways, but still my goal is just to let people know that we all have our struggles and no one is alone. I’m one of those believers that everything happens for a reason and go into detail about how that has worked out in my life. You speak of losing your wife, and as painful as that is, it may just lead to you finding the most fulfilling love you’ve ever had. And as far as having a daughter as a result of your first marriage. Their isn’t a better reward, coming from one stay home dad to another. What’s happened to you, me, and millions of others in the last few years will make us stronger. DON’T let it win. Your writings found me and will find others. Your honest and open and because of that are able to connect. Just keep at it, you might be surprised as to what’s to come. All the best.

    Comment by Scott Sprich | January 4, 2012

  5. [...] And So It Begins… [...]

    Pingback by My Life and Thoughts - You're Not The Only One | March 26, 2012


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